I am puke
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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