I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
