I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
