I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
