Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish you could order shots online.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
