Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
