at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
