remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
