Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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