So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
