He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
