We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
