You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
