nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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