Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
