Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
