Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
