the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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