I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
