im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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