Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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