Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
