the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
