I think my fart just growled at me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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