Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
