there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
