Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
