Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
