I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
