SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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