so explain again why im purple
no
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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