So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize