So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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