Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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