she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
