I didn't shave. On purpose
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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