he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize