Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
