It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
