That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
