she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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