That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
