I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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