i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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