im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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