Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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