some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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