Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
