I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She even gives head with a lisp.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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