I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
