there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
