he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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