My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
