New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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