she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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