I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
