I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
third nipple confirmed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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