I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
