Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
