Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
