Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
