Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
