Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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