Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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