if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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