Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize