I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
