Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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