I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
