i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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