I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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