we have officially lost it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
