I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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