Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
