just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drunk is a universal language darling
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