i would punch a child for taco bell
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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