God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
