Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
