Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
