Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
